The Last Supper

This is what showed up at my house last Friday. The unwelcome sight of five more cases of Nutren 1.5. Now, from a purely practical standpoint, sure it is nice that I did not even have to call home health to order a drop-off. And of course, it is doubly nice that contained within those corrugated containers is all the nutrition that a person really needs to survive. (At least, I have done so for 26 days that way so I have no reason to believe that I will not for quite some time to come.) But, with all that said, it has been tough.

I love food, I grew up in a household where it was always said, "if you walk away hungary it is your own fault." There was always a bounty of delicious food around my house and Rebecca and I have tried to continue the tradition that both our moms instilled and we both really enjoy good food. Not putting anything in my mouth for the past 26 days has given me a greater appreciation for life, and food! I look back to my last meal and who would've ever guessed it would be my last for quite some time to come. Allow me to tell you about it.

After my first Chemo, I was struggling to drink. After swallowing water, I would immediately start to cough quite violently. Eating was going alright once I got past the nausea from Chemo but drinking was another story. So, I called the Doc a week before I was scheduled for my second chemo. My concern was that I would not be able to take on enough liquid going into the upcoming chemo treatment. Going into chemo is like going into battle, one of the best ways to prepare is to hydrate well as we like to say around here at Camp Gray "hydration is happiness". From the looks of it, I was going to be defeated, and unhappy. So, after a call to the Oncologist, he suggested that I come in to take on some fluids via IV. I told Rebecca that I could head down to Madison all by myself, after all, I was just going down to get some fluids but she insisted on coming along with the Mary and Joshua. After three tries getting an IV started in some dehydrated veins the juice was flowing and I was on my way to battle, or so I thought. Doc of course wanted to see me but they said he was busy until after 12, it was now only 10am. So, they slowed the drip down and Rebecca decided to do the shopping alone that we had planned to do together on the way home. On her agenda was a trip to Costco. Never one to miss out on a trip to the buck-fifty cafe, I put in an order for a piece of Supreme pizza(Which costs $1.85 by the way, really the only thing that is still a buck-fifty is the polish and pop deal, still one of the best things going, I just did not feel like a polish on that particular day) and a heaping cup of swirled frozen yogurt. By the time Rebecca returned from her foray out into the world with the little ones, it had been decided that I would need to head off to another clinic for the barium swallow test. This of course meant that food consumption would have to be put on hold. So, Rebecca comes back up to see me in my chair and on the stroller just as requested she now has one beautiful piece of Supreme pizza that is now getting cold and one frozen yogurt that is quickly getting warm. I told her to polish off the yogurt but please save the pizza. By about 2:30 we finally make our way over to the clinic for the test, I of course still am staring at the pizza that is now hours old. The results of the Barium test would not be known until I returned to the Oncology clinic so in an effort to rid my mouth of the less than pleasant taste left behind from the pasty substance that I had to swallow I quickly scarfed the entire slice. I was still nibbling away at the crust as we walked back to see Dr. Sanyal only to wait in his office for another half an hour so that he could tell me of the unfortunate tear in the esophagus.

There you have it, one piece of Costco pizza 26 days ago... And you know, it could still be a whole lot worse. As I said, it does get hard some days but there are people that have been eating from a tube a whole lot longer than I have been. I am getting what I need, but some days I just want more. I suppose it is only human. Thanks for listening to one hungary guy rant for a short while.